How much crying is too much? As I write this, Mary Ellen is standing in her crib, fussing to herself and to anyone else who'll listen about how lonely and tired she is. I know this is totally normal, and I'm okay with letting her fuss before naptime because I'm confident that she's tired and she rarely takes it to that "I'm crying so hard that I might just bring up my breakfast" level.
Bedtime is another story. For the past week or so, Mary Ellen has been pitching a royal fit about bedtime. She immediately gets to the level of Terror Cry. You know, it's the kind of cry where she is still shaking even after I've picked her back up and it takes her a bit of time to catch her breath.
I know, "Let her cry it out."
I've heard this from a lot of moms with tons of experience. The behaviorist in me knows that I'm only reinforcing her crying by picking her back up. But why does she have to be so miserable before bedtime? Does anyone have a solution that doesn't involve her crying so hard that she finds it almost impossible to calm herself down? Does it just have to hurt before it gets better?
I've been reading the Dr. Sears Baby Sleep Book, and for the most part I really agree with the way that Dr. Sears looks at most things about baby raising. He's very child-centric, and I know from my teaching experience that I tend to be that way as well. Kids have a lot of knowledge and personality, and my hope is to let Mary Ellen show her insticts without letting her rule the roost. Dr. Sears suggests helping baby find ways to get comfortable before the tears start. We've had a lot of luck with this before nap time, but it's a totally different story before bed. I wonder if this is just because she's so tired that she's overcome by it.
I'd love to hear any words of wisdom from you all.
P.S. She's fallen sound asleep in her bed, without any intervention from me. One more little success...
Here is the book I used for Brennan. We did not use cry it out at first (he was a puker, and crying burns too many calories preemies can not afford to lose), but I realized I disagree with using it anyway. The one time I tried it out of desperation when he was a few months old, he cried for 40 minutes straight with no sign of stopping. That was just torture for both me and him.
ReplyDeleteI did a ton of reading and this book was the best fit for us. Something I read (in an article somewhere) that really stuck with me was the idea that if you are letting them cry like that, they are not learning how to fall asleep on their own; instead they are learning to not trust that you will come help them when they need it. They are learning they have to make a really big fuss to get assistance because their parent does not respond at first .
This book is awesome - it's a nice middle ground between cry it out and the other extreme of rocking or nursing them to sleep; behavorist but with a more humane approach. He is such a good sleeper.
Having said all that, each baby (and each family), is different and it does take a lot of experimenting to see what will work.
Saying a prayer that you will find a way!
Becky
http://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Ladys-Good-Night-Tight/dp/1593155581/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1305947588&sr=8-1
This is definitely one of the hardest times to be a parent. Every baby goes through it, and knowing that does not make it easier. We DID use the cry it out method and it worked. However, after every set amount of time, we DID go into her room and talk softly to her. We did not touch her, though. Just talked (and I wasn't sure she heard us over the screaming) and then left. I remember sitting in the hallway crying until it was time to go back in. You gradually increase the time before you go back in (eventually not even speaking to them, just checking on them) until they fall asleep. We only had to do it 3 nights before it was over and she was falling asleep on her own, and she was a very stubborn baby. Just like Becky said, every family and every baby is different. What worked for us may not work for you guys. Unfortunately, experimenting until you find what does work is the best route to take. Rest assured that it WILL pass. Hang in there! [[hugs]]
ReplyDeleteSleep is not something either of our girls were ever 'good' at. I would fill with jealousy when I would hear about other mom's who had kids that slept through the night without issue at 4 months. For Brooke, it took having her pacifiers (otherwise known as pows in our house) along with water in order for her to calm herself down back to sleep. She would cry and then we would go in every 5 min (up to 5 times) and then every 10 min (up to 3 times) and so on for at the most 1 hour. She was sleeping through the night after 4 days!!!
ReplyDeleteCaroline was a TOTALLY different story. She doesn't like pacifiers and really would only calm down if we gave her a few oz of water. We didn't mind too much...until she wanted those 2oz 4 times a night! Eventually we just had to let her cry...and it was hard. She didn't respond well to us coming in at intervals so we just had to let her cry. I would listen to make sure it wasn't a 'something is wrong/I am sick cry' but after 3 nights...she was sleeping through the night like a champ!!
Both my girls took awhile to get to this point, though. They were seriously 13-15 months before they really were good to go at bed time. What can I say-they are night owls like there mama! We just don't want to miss anything!
Good luck though! It will work out-that I can promise :)
Remember when she didn't like solid food? Someday she won't like the way her socks feel! If it's not one thing it's the next one! It's called being a parent and loving someone beyond words. It's feeling her pain. It's her asserting herself. It's learning that you're really not controlling anything ~ get used to it. It hurts, it's frustrating, and it's love. All the other comments were fabulous and somewhere among them could lie the answer ~ or she'll just go to sleep without crying some night and then you'll find yourself going in to make sure she's OK anyway. Or maybe it's the cat food upsetting her stomach!
ReplyDelete